Dating in Recovery
Starting a relationship in recovery brings unique considerations and benefits. For those committed to a sober lifestyle, dating can offer a new level of support, shared values, and understanding that strengthens both partners. Aymet Demara, LASAC, Clinical Director at Scottsdale Recovery Center, shares insights into how dating a sober partner can enhance your recovery journey, reduce relapse risks, and support long-term mental health.
Before considering dating, it’s important to know that some experts recommend waiting at least one year to focus on building a strong foundation in recovery. Everyone’s journey is different, and some may find that they need even more time to develop confidence in managing triggers and establishing healthy habits. When you know you’re ready, though, dating within the sober community can provide a meaningful level of support and shared understanding that strengthens both partners.
The Unique Benefits of Dating a Sober Partner
One of the most evident advantages of dating a fellow sober individual is the natural alignment of values and lifestyle. As Demara explains, “Sobriety/Recovery is more in-depth than just the idea and action of abstaining from certain drugs and alcohol. It involves a long-term lifestyle of ongoing commitment and mental well-being while also focusing on emotional stability.” Sharing these values can make it easier to understand each other’s boundaries and reduce the pressure to conform to social situations involving alcohol or drugs.
A sober partner can also act as a positive influence during challenging times, helping each other through moments of stress or cravings and minimizing the risk of relapse. This shared approach helps both partners stay committed to their recovery journey, especially when it comes to creating boundaries around activities or people who may not understand their sober lifestyle.
Loosid’s Perspective: Sober Dating with Like-Minded People
Sober dating apps like Loosid provide a supportive space for people in recovery to connect with like-minded individuals. Loosid’s app is a go-to for people seeking sober dating options, offering a sober app and social network where recovery and abstinence are celebrated. Meeting others in recovery through a free sober app like Loosid adds a layer of safety, knowing that you’re connecting with people who understand the sober lifestyle and support your long-term commitment to sobriety. While other dating platforms may welcome different approaches like “Cali sober” (abstaining from hard drugs but occasionally using cannabis or alcohol), at Loosid, we believe “Cali sober” is not the best choice for those seeking fully sober relationships. Shared values can make a big difference in avoiding potential challenges related to sobriety.
Building a Sober Support System Through Relationships
A relationship between two sober individuals can be an invaluable support system. As Demara mentions, “A sober relationship inherently avoids risks” of exposure to drugs and alcohol. Being with someone who understands the depth of sobriety—from avoiding substances to embracing a mental health-oriented lifestyle—creates a foundation for emotional and mental well-being. This alignment minimizes exposure to potential triggers and allows partners to prioritize mental health, share goals, and build a life around healthy relationships rather than past unhealthy patterns.
Shared Activities That Support Recovery
Shared sober activities between two people in recovery often revolve around fitness, creativity, spirituality, and enjoying nature, making it easier to avoid triggering social situations. Hiking, exercising, or engaging in creative hobbies allow couples to connect deeply without the pressures that often accompany events with alcohol. Demara notes that, “The stages of early recovery with sustained and maintenance recovery also align very differently with the events, activities, and lifestyles the couple may obtain or achieve to do.” This alignment provides a sense of comfort and fulfillment without feeling the need to participate in potentially harmful social behaviors.
Navigating Relationships with Non-Sober Partners
While dating someone who isn’t sober can work, it often brings unique challenges that require setting clear boundaries and maintaining open, ongoing communication. In these relationships, a non-sober partner may need to make a conscious effort to understand and respect the sober person’s lifestyle choices, avoiding situations that could pose risks to their partner’s recovery. As Demara points out, “Dating someone who is not sober is not necessarily doomed to fail, but it can introduce challenges that require careful navigation.” With mutual respect and understanding, these partnerships can succeed, but they require extra commitment and sensitivity to the sober partner’s needs.
Clear boundaries and honest conversations around substance use can help avoid unhealthy relationship patterns. By maintaining open lines of communication and prioritizing personal recovery, sober individuals can find harmony even in relationships where their partner’s lifestyle may differ. It’s important for both partners to be aware of potential red flags and recognize when certain habits or activities might compromise the sober lifestyle.
Tips for Calming Dating Nerves in Recovery
It’s natural to feel nervous about dating, especially when prioritizing your recovery. The good news? There are effective sober dating tips to manage these nerves. For instance, instead of focusing on what you might be missing, take the opportunity to engage in conversation, discover commonalities, and enjoy the connection. Building a connection with someone new can bring excitement and joy without substances, making dating a fun and fulfilling experience.
Here are a few simple tips to help calm dating nerves:
- Focus on Shared Activities: Planning sober-friendly activities can help keep both partners comfortable.
- Practice Mindfulness: Staying in the moment and truly listening to your date can keep nerves in check.
- Take Deep Breaths: Remember that dating is about learning more about each other, so try to approach each interaction with curiosity and calmness.
- Avoid Comparison: It’s easy to compare a new experience with past relationships, but each journey is unique—focus on your current growth and goals.
These tips can make dating in recovery a more positive experience, allowing individuals to enjoy romance while prioritizing mental health and recovery.
When to Start Dating in Early Recovery: Prioritizing Your Health First
Deciding when to start dating during recovery depends largely on individual progress and self-awareness. For those in early recovery, dating can create a lot of emotions and pressures that may not align with a healthy routine. However, starting a relationship when ready can provide a boost to one’s self-esteem and serve as a source of motivation to maintain a sober lifestyle. The key is to prioritize your recovery, listen to your emotions, and avoid rushing into relationships that might disrupt personal growth.
Benefits of a Healthy, Sober Romantic Relationship
For individuals who feel ready to date, a healthy romantic relationship with a sober partner can be transformative. This type of partnership is about growth, resilience, and mutual support. Sobriety can offer a foundation where both partners share a commitment to a healthier lifestyle, free from the influence of substance abuse.
By focusing on shared values, these relationships can help both people involved avoid the pitfalls of unhealthy relationships, reduce the likelihood of a relapse, and offer a sense of community that reinforces their recovery journey. Demara sums this up well, emphasizing that a supportive partner “has to be able to support this lifestyle and also include themselves as part of the commitment to help, support, and be involved as their partner.”
About Aymet Demara, LASAC
Aymet Demara is a Licensed Associate Substance Abuse Therapist (LASAC) based in Arizona. She graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Kansas Wesleyan University and holds a Master of Science in Addiction Counseling from Grand Canyon University. Her dedication to substance abuse treatment was inspired by her own family’s experiences, leading her to work in behavioral health and then transition to addiction treatment in 2019. Demara is experienced in managing Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT) programs and applies Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques with her clients. In her spare time, she enjoys sports and outdoor activities and is constantly learning new therapeutic approaches to benefit her clients and the community.
